Is self-care selfish?

Is self-care selfish?

Self-care often gets a bad press. It is packaged as selfish and for the faint hearted. Growing up, the reality for midlifers is that many of them were not taught or encouraged to look after their mental health, rest, and prioritise their wellbeing. For this generation, many were encouraged instead to work hard, keep busy, don’t be lazy and put others before themselves.

Prioritising the self can be challenging for women who grew up with a blueprint of how relationships work, whereby the needs of the ‘man of the house’ are prioritised and the wife is the homemaker and mother, and her needs are secondary. Challenges are also present for men who grew up with the societal expectation and stereotype that ‘big boys don’t cry’ which encourages them to suppress their own needs and true desires.

To reframe self-care as not being selfish, consider the following perspectives and strategies:

Understand the importance of self-care: Recognise that taking care of yourself is crucial for your overall well-being. When you prioritise self-care, you enhance your physical, mental, and emotional health, which allows you to show up as your best self in all areas of your life.

Recognise the interconnectedness of well-being: Understand that self-care is not only about meeting your own needs but also about building a strong foundation to support others. When you take care of yourself, you have more energy, resilience, and capacity to contribute positively to the well-being of those around you, such as your family, friends, and community.

Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and compassion, just as you would treat a loved one. Understand that self-care is a way of nurturing and showing respect to yourself. By valuing your own well-being, you model healthy self-care behaviours for others as well.

Reframe self-care as a necessity, not a luxury: Shift your perspective to view self-care as an essential part of a healthy and balanced life, rather than an indulgence. Understand that taking care of yourself is a long-term investment in your overall happiness and fulfilment.

Set boundaries: Establishing healthy boundaries allows you to prioritise self-care without neglecting your responsibilities or relationships. Communicate your needs to others and find a balance between meeting the needs of others and taking care of yourself.

Educate others: Share information and resources about the importance of self-care with those around you. Help others understand that self-care is not selfish but rather a vital practice for well-being. Encourage open conversations about self-care and work together to support each other’s well-being.

Practice self-care in small, meaningful ways: Incorporate self-care activities into your daily routine, even if they are small gestures. Engage in activities that bring you joy, relaxation, or rejuvenation, whether it’s reading a book, going for a walk, practicing mindfulness, or spending time on a hobby. Recognise that taking even a few moments each day to care for yourself can have a positive impact.

Remember, self-care is not about neglecting others or being self-centred. It is about ensuring your own well-being so that you can show up as your best self for both you and others. By reframing self-care as a necessary and compassionate practice, you can embrace it without feeling guilty or selfish. Let’s challenge those old relationship blueprints and stereotypes!