Midlife malaise, you didn’t see it coming

I can’t be bothered. Midlife malaise you didn’t see it coming. 

You feel quite low and know something must change. You’ve got a good idea of what would help, and you may even know the first step. However, the energy to act isn’t there. 

From a Jungian lens, that ‘stuckness’ can be the psyche withdrawing its support from the behaviours you’re pursuing, to force your attention toward something you’re avoiding.  

In plain terms: malaise often rides alongside avoidance. It isn’t laziness, but it’s surprising how many things you can do to avoid the thing you don’t want to do! Shopping, drinking, cleaning, working, socialising – all avoidant tactics.  

Contemporary research fits this, too. Studies on experiential avoidance (dodging uncomfortable thoughts, feelings, memories, or situations) show strong links with depressive symptoms across populations. When we habitually avoid, mood sinks and life feels flatter; when we dare to turn toward what matters, guess what, mood tends to improve (Akbari et al., 2022). 

So what’s the big avoidance then? 

There may be a question your psyche might be protecting you from.  You could ask yourself: ‘What is the one question (or task) I’ve been avoiding that, if I faced it, could change my life this year?’ 

Your mind may immediately know the answer, then try to talk you out of it. However, if you stay with your answer, you will begin to understand the avoidance.  

Typical “avoided” areas at midlife include: 

– Relationship reality: Am I avoiding a necessary conversation (or decision) about distance, resentment, intimacy, or ending? 

– Work alignment: Am I climbing hard… against the wrong wall? Do my values now require a different role, pace, or path? 

– Financial facing: Am I postponing a clear look at debt, spending, or retirement planning because it evokes shame or fear? 

– Grief work: What loss (bereavement, divorce, health, identity) have I never really processed? 

– Ageing: What am I resisting when I look in the mirror that would ease if I worked on 

acceptance, meaning, and self-respect instead of perfection? 

And three more common ‘protective’ avoidances: 

1. Alcohol or over-reliance habits: Has ‘I deserve this’ or ‘I need this to relax’ turned into not only your mantra but a numbing cycle that stops you addressing anaesthetising behaviour?
2. Boundaries and people-pleasing: Where and to whom do I keep saying yes to avoid conflict, and then feel depressed because my life bores me?
3. Loneliness and support: Have I let friendships drift? Am I avoiding the vulnerable work of rebuilding connection even though feeling isolated makes me feel worse? Social support is repeatedly linked with lower depression across longitudinal studies (Wu et al., 2023).

Why avoidance deepens malaise 

Research shows that pushing feelings away is associated with higher depression. Turning toward valued action predicts better outcomes, and if we approach behaviours and try to problem-solve them, our mental health is better than when we avoid them.  

Taking action is necessary (eventually). When you act, increasing meaningful activities and solving avoidant patterns is an effective, simple treatment for depression in adults.  

Overall, midlife is a perfect storm, but also an opportunity for change. Midlife adults often report lower life satisfaction and more negative affect than younger adults (e.g., multiple-role strain, caregiving, career plateaus), which makes avoidance tempting but makes change especially relevant. From this view, midlife malaise is not you failing to get motivated; it is your interest in continuing life the same way pulling your mood down. Eventually, when the balance tips, it will become easier to take action than put energy into avoiding the things that need to change.